pathetic

pathetic
just fucking pathetic
~sigh~
it's only been barely a week, self
and you got a week more of the quarter to go
lets get this over with and you can dwell on it in a week, yeah
there, there self
ho-hum.....

not working

~sigh~
all this distracting
they are not working
did they ever was.?. 0_o
ha...ha...
to you, please don't give up
there are people who care about you
-tight hugs-
I know this isn't much
but believe me
good things will happened
and I'm sorry
I'm so so sorry
I can't be there
you'll always be in my prayers
-hugging you tighter-

0_o

dude
I'm really confused now
~sigh~
well, whatever
wishing you all the happiness
-hug-

oahayou.!. (^_^)/

hullo...so, anyway, yeah...been about 2 months since my last update ya...was at places where internet connections were hard to come by...so, anyway...now I'm helping out at UPM for the convocation which will start this Saturday or sometime this week...and had been to several events and did several things since my last post...but with the bloody slow internet connections, not gonna update on them for now coz can't upload the photos...anyway...that "thing" happened again...~sigh~...well, maybe it's for the best...hope you'll be happy...forever and always...and well, this job ends on Thursday...got things to do this weekend and hey, nearing Halloween again...hope everything goes on smoothly...dumdidumdidum~~~

again and again and again

I keep seeing those words
again and again and again
I know it's never gonna happen
but why do I still feel like this
self, I thought you are better now
you are not at all, huh self
you still couldn't get out of that, huh
~sigh~
self, just let it be
just stop hoping for things
just coz that thing with Twitter,
you are happy all over again
urghhh...grow up...
it's just a short thing
and you know it...you know it all along
and yet, you still feel like this
again and again and again
sucks to be you...

need to be check in the head

~sigh~...I don't know...these past few days, I've become damn confuse of what's happening and what happened...I'm confuse about reality, dreams, fantasies...maybe I fantasise too much...or maybe my dreams were a bit too realistic...but seriously, though...I would wake up from a sleep, whether in the morning or afternoon or evening, and I would think to myself "wow, what a good day" and then I realized I was just dreaming...damn it...and sometimes, when I'm reminiscing about a memory, it took me a while to realise, it's not even a real memory...it was just one of my damn fantasies...I hope this doesn't go on...coz there might be something wrong with my head...really need to check it...or maybe, I should just stop making up scenarios in my head and watching or reading real messed up stories or movies or series...should get a reality check and keep track on what's real, what's not...come on...it isn't that hard, right...I can effing do it.!. \(~_~)/

MISS YOU

fuck

I miss you,

damn it

.!.

ho-hum

~(*o*)~

p/s:...gonna stop being pathetic when I've calmed down or healed enough... /(>.<) ...being stupid an all...

it's great until...haish...

been having not-so-good dreams since a few nights ago...
which rarely happens since I'm a good 'dreamer' usually
so last night, I slept with Momo, a stuff monkey I got as a gift
yeah, I don't generally do that
coz in my opinion,
stuff animal could wake up and kill you in your sleeep...heee... /(#>.<#)
so, anyway, yeah...
it kinda work
I woke up around 0630 with good dreams in my mind
about sweet real memories blending in with cool stories I watched
feeling good and all.....
but then, I log into FB and poof.!.good feelings gone
bye bye...see you never...
haish...
X(
why can't some people just let me be when I'm trying to heal at my pace
we've never really talked before, so don't start now
I don't wanna
damn it.!.

p/s:...good luck to you who are having your final paper today...

the dislikes.....

ok...the start of this entry and the title were actually different...
but I change them coz I wanna write this in a different angle...but the essence of this will basically the same...
I don't hate people...I just dislike them really much...
but not really hating...coz I know, there's a saying "you love what you hate" or something like that...
and sometimes, it really is true...
I've seen people who fall for something or someone they used to hate and hate something or someone they used to love...so, it's like that...
anyway, in my entire life, there are 2 persons I'm close to hating, but not so much...just dislikes...mind you...
the first one, was when I was in high school...and can't really remember the face...only the name... >.< ...
so, the 2nd one was only recently...
well, it has been going on for a while, a couple of years, kinda...
but the irritation and annoyance keep building up and up...day by day...
and then, I snapped...
that thing had the nerve to berate me about something that was totally not my fault and I wasn't even speaking to it...
seriously, what the fuck was you problem, jerk...
you were there that one time, and you had the fucking nerve to speak up, no, to get angry at us...
oh, please...grow up...
you were always whining and complaining when something happened to you...on Twitter and Facebook...fucking grow up already...
just coz you were not included in something, you don't have to be all petty about it...what are you.?.6.?.
and you know why people don't include you, coz you were never there...so, it's all your fucking fault... ~sigh~ ...
so, since that night, I took the liberty of un-following you since I don't wanna know anything about you anyway and I'm not gonna speak to you unless it's important like somebody is dying or something or work related...
and seems like it work out fine coz I really don't wanna look at your stupid face anyway...
and that's why, ever time you open your opinionated but empty mouth, some of us just clamps up till you shut up...
coz really, you just don't have any good ideas and you just freaking like to talk...we don't even know why...
so anyway, I wanna stop sounding petty and shrew-ish for now...
and hope you'll have a fucking wonderful life with your backward ways of not caring about important things...
hope it'll work out fucking fine for you...
-sweet smile-


p/s:...not specifying any gender here...so, don't assume unless you know... X)

it's not fucking hard, you know

this is to those who are living in my house, who are not my parents (duh, obviously...)

you know,

it's not fucking hard to clean up the 'mess' you made

once you used something

just fucking clean it up or put it away

till you wanna use that shit again

it's very fucking simple

did you just use that shit

you did.?.then fucking pick it up and wash or throw it away

I'm fucking tired of cleaning up after your shit

when you are fucking able to do it by yourself

are you my parents.?.no, of course you are not

and just fucking refill the water bottles when you saw it was finished or almost

once again, it's not fucking hard

'-_-

okay.?.okay...good

where oh where oh where

walking and keep walking

turning and keep turning

where oh where oh where

~sigh~

pebbles turned

rocks tumbled

grounds cracked

where oh where oh where

~sigh~

lethargy sets in

lay down for a bit

close those lovely eyes

and breathe the last sigh

ahhh

the devil inside

some people are just too effing cruel
that they should be burned at the stake
and have the corpse drowned
to make sure they really are dead

superficial

well, Ramadhan is coming...
and as usual, I'm not that excited about it
for me, it's just another obligation, just another something that we had to do
and the same with Syawal...it's to celebrate how we managed to go through the fasting month successfully
(I've made kinda the same entry a year ago; old or cynical )
but really, nowadays, people just celebrate it for all the superficial reasons
they buy expensive stuff, do things to impress others...you know
birthdays, events, celebrations...
ahhh...the superficial aspects of human nature...
well, I'm not excluded...sometimes, I was like that too... >.<
you know how human is...
getting all excited doing things that they think the other party will like
or impressed by
oh, well...
without the superficial aspects, we are not human
just as long as you not letting it consume you too much
by buying too much new clothes, too much new furniture
just to celebrate that one event
it's stupid...and I'm ashamed to say, I'm stupid like that too, sometimes
now, I'm just trying to buy things for the long haul
not for that one thing, but just so I can use them over and over again, through the course of time
muahahaha!!!
oh, well...lets be a bit superficial
just not too much...and make it seldom
(^o^)v

worst paper ever

I just finished with the second last paper, Event Management, and I'm still feeling a bit pissed off
the questions were not really that hard, but they were just so oh troublesome... '-_-
the objective questions were damn confusing...and it was mostly because of the way the languages were used...and yup languageS with the 's'... >_<
the questions were bilinguals...Malay and English...and they were both tend to be ungrammatical and the words were mixed up sometimes..it took me a few tries to understand them properly...besides, my sleepy hangover was a bit on the way...hurmmm...
the, in the next section, we were supposed to calculate some profit and expenses and things like that...the maths were pretty easy but it was a bit hard to put in the data and numbers since there was some confusion on the wordings...and of course, when asked, she said to 'follow the stated numbers'...~sigh~
and the second question on the second section were horrible...I totally butchered the damn thing...
enough to say that I mutilated the paper
haish...I just hope I still got a pretty decent marks
/(@~@)\

turn back time

just read a person's post about how
if turning back the time is possible
don't wanna be in particular places, at particular times
saying particular words.....

it made me think

what if I can turn back time

...

what would I do

...

where do I wanna be

...

how would I change my past

...

~sigh~

I just hope I could make everything better

not saying I won't make mistakes

coz some mistakes are important as we learn from them

I'm just saying how I should do certain things

and how I should not do certain things

make everything as perfect as can be

ho-hum

thuk! thuk!

digging deep

to know

how you really

feel

angst

hurmmm...
it was a very 'interesting' night
so many calling and texting
and crying (-eyes rolling-)
with so many emotions
first I was happy
then sad
and then happy again
and then annoyed
and then pissed off
and then 'in-the-zone'
and then happy again
and a lil bit irritated
and back to sad
and now, I'm just trying to be calm
~sigh~

p/s:...good luck and congrats...

remember and forget

it's hard to decide what to remember and what to forget

sometimes, we just can't have one without the other

if we want to remember the sweet times,

we can't do it without remembering the depression we want to forget

if we want to forget the feelings,

we can't do it without forgetting the connections we want to remember

oh my, oh my...

sometimes, the best choice is to just suppressed them

you are not forgetting, but you are not remembering either

but too much can be poisons to your mind

gonna spin out of control sooner or later

it's good if you've practiced it since you were little

oh, well...

things happen for some reasons

we just gotta accept it all

the good, the bad, the beautiful and the ugly

get well soon, friend!!!

yesterday was kinda a panicky day

a very good friend of mine got into a little accident with his bike

even he didn't quite sure what happened

maybe the floor was too slippery or things like that

and the worst part was his foot

it wasn't just scrapped, it was skinned.!.

he even had to go to Hospital Serdang

because the doctor at PKU thought it was a bit too serious to be done at PKU

~sigh~

hope you'll get well soon, Afiq

take care

\(*o*)

p/s:...we still didn't know where the missing skin was...heee...

busy bee

this sem seems to be the busiest so far

well, at least for this month

I have rehearsal every night and 2030

and then, on every Tuesday & Thursday

I have tae-kwon-do class

which I am one of the AJK member

and then...

there are all those literature reviews

and mini research that need to be done

~sigh~

hope all will be well

>_<